![]() Yet there you stand, Johnny-Come-Early-Access, cursed with the knowledge of what a melon is and how one tastes, but with absolutely no way to enjoy one besides waiting around for a few hundred thousand millennia until nature gets its act together. To have melons you have to evolve some trees first, and probably bees too, and the closest thing to a tree or a bee in this ancient time is a hot puddle of green sludge with some big ideas. Not even the less good kinds of melon, like cantaloupes or honeydews. And you’re there on this unfinished planet, standing on the precipice of a furious lake of spitting magma, your eyes popping like overboiled eggs in the acrid atmosphere, your lungs liquifying in your chest, your skin blistering and peeling off in the unbearable heat, and you think, “You know what I could go for right now? a nice piece of melon.”īut of course, there is no melon here in the year one billion BC, because melons haven’t been invented yet. Playing early access games is like being flung backwards in time to a proterozoic era of Earth’s formless prehistory, where instead of lush continents and breathable air there are surging oceans of molten rock and noxious clouds of superheated nitrogen gas. This week he has a go building a little fantasy colony in King Under The Mountain. Premature Evaluation is the weekly column in which Steve Hogarty explores the wilds of early access. ![]()
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